The Global Death Ceremony
(Satire on Health)
-- Original Source unknown, but well worth quoting for your information and amusement.

The death ceremony started as a crude ritual, back in the days of witchcraft. In recent years it has been developed into a science. It usually takes from 10 - 15 years, however, modern scientific advancements are shortening this period of time.

It starts with one simple aspirin for a simple headache. When the one aspirin will no longer cover up the headache, take two. After a few months, when two aspirin will no longer cover up the headache, you take one of the stronger compounds. By this time, it becomes necessary to take something for the ulcers that have been caused by the aspirin. Now that you are taking two medications, you have a good start.

After a few months, these medications will disrupt your liver function. If a good infection develops, you can take some penicillin. Of course, the penicillin will damage your blood corpuscles and spleen so that you develop anemia. Another medication is taken to cover up the anemia. By this time all of these medications will put such a strain on your kidneys that they should cease to function properly. It is now time to take some antibiotics. When these destroy your natural resistance to disease, you can expect a general flare-up of all of your symptoms.

The next step is to cover up all of these symptoms with sulfa drugs. When the kidneys finally plug up, you can have them drained. Some poisons will build up in your system, but you can keep going a while this way. By now, the medications will be so confused they won't know what they are supposed to be doing, but it doesn't matter.

If you have followed every step as directed, you can now make an appointment with your undertaker. This game is played by practically all Americans... except for the few "Ignorant Souls" who follow NATURE.

$73 billion was spent on prescription drugs in 1994!
$76 billion was spent treating side effects of prescription drugs in 1994!